Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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