Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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