I'm so fucking centered right now
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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