cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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