At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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