turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drake has all the answers
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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