her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize