my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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