i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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