I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize