I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think i got beer on your cat.
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