Where is the hickey?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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