It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This toilet bowl is my home.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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