she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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