Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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