I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize