found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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