Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
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I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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