nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize