Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Floor bacon is actually really good
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize