Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize