Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize