I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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