I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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