My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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