today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize