allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize