Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize