How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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