he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
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A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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