When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize