He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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