just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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