I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize