The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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