Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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