Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
there is puke in my bra ... again
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