We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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