I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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