so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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