dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize