Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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