At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize