I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize