Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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