I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize