The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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