so explain again why im purple
no
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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