I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize