I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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